Carolina QuotesIn 2004, I offered priority signing to smokers, the reason being that, because they didn't have as long to live, their time was more valuable. Four years later my special treatment was reserved for men who stood five-foot-six and under. "That's right, my little friends," I announced. "There'll be no waiting in line for you." It seemed unfair to restrict myself to men, so I included any woman with braces on her teeth. "What about us?" asked the pregnant and the lame. And because it was my show, I told them to wait their fucking turn.
David Sedaris Connected to the Carolinas
Source
Essay, "Author, author." p.146
- work
- Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls (2013)
- year
- 2013
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- p.146
Cite this record
“In 2004, I offered priority signing to smokers, the reason b…” David Sedaris. Carolina Quotes, record CQ-AB3C18194B. https://carolinaquotes.com/quote/ab3c18194b
More from David Sedaris
Whenever I see a young woman boarding a plane in her pyjamas, or a guy in a T-shirt that reads your hole is my goal, I always wonder what Mom would think.
Because I was lazy, I'd adopted the philosophy that things just happen.
For the first twenty years of my life I rocked myself to sleep. It was a harmless enough hobby, but eventually I had to give it up. Throughout the next twenty-two years I lay still and discovered that after a few minutes I could drop off with no problem. Follow seven beers with a couple of scotches and a thimble of good marijuana, and it's funny how sleep just sort of comes on its own. Often I never even make it to bed. I'd squat down to pet the cat and wake up on the floor eight hours later, having lost a perfectly good excuse to change my clothes. I'm now told that this is not called "going to sleep" but rather "passing out," a phrase that carries a distinct hint of judgment.