I called the police. I said, "They've stolen my rental car, a Plymouth Horizon." The policeman said, "I guess they took it for a joyride." I said, "You know, I don't think you're listening, asshole. The car is a Plymouth Horizon. It is not a joy to ride!" This is a car that goes forty-five miles an hour with the wind; if you actually turn off the air conditioner you can supercharge the little fucker to forty-eight. I got a nosebleed I was having so much fun in the car. I didn't even want the piece of shit, so I was staggered to find out somebody took it.
Lewis Black Carolinian
Source
No citation is recorded for this quotation.
- work
- The White Album (2000)
- year
- 2000
no citation recorded
Cite this record
“I called the police. I said, "They've stolen my rental car, …” Lewis Black. Carolina Quotes, record CQ-DE39516137. https://carolinaquotes.com/quote/de39516137
More from Lewis Black
[on the creation myth] This is a wonderful story that was told to the people in the desert, in order to distract them from the fact that they did not have air conditioning. I would love to have the faith to believe that it took place in seven days, but... I have thoughts. And that can really fuck up the faith thing. Just ask any Catholic priest.
Britney Spears comes on and she's singing about Pepsi, except you don't know what she's saying, because she can't fucking sing, so what you have is this: titty titty titty titty titty titty titty, ass ass ass, titty titty titty titty, ass, ass, BIG ASS, titty titty titty titty titty titty ass ass titty ass.
And for all we study about health, we know nothing. Is milk good or bad?... I rest my case. You don't know. You don't know anymore, and a lot of you are sitting there thinking "Fuck, I'm an adult, I don't have to drink that shit anymore!" When I was a kid, you knew milk was good, 'cause there was only one kind of milk: Moo-Cow fuck milk, and that was it.