Carolina QuotesIf you don't drink 56 bottles of water a week, scientists say you should take a garden hose at the end of the week and shove it up your ass.
Lewis Black Carolinian
Source
No citation is recorded for this quotation.
- work
- Rules of Enragement (2003)
- year
- 2003
no citation recorded
Cite this record
“If you don't drink 56 bottles of water a week, scientists sa…” Lewis Black. Carolina Quotes, record CQ-E35F3F19B1. https://carolinaquotes.com/quote/e35f3f19b1
More from Lewis Black
My favorite health club is the International House of Pancakes. No matter what your weight is, there will always be someone who weighs 150 pounds more than you will ever weigh. It's guaranteed; it's on the back of the menu, read it sometime. They don't give you a cup of coffee, they give you a hot aisle of coffee! It's coffee for 15 people. Even if you're alone, they bring you a big jug of coffee, which makes me feel good 'cause I think maybe somebody's coming and I don't know who. So I put in the sugar and the milk and I drink the whole thing and then I go, "BRING ME SOME GODDAMN PANCAKES!" Son of a bitch, that's too much coffee. What's the matter with you people?
It [The Weather Channel] is the most watched cable channel in America. I'll repeat that. It is the most watched cable channel in America. They were worried about the terrorists immobilizing us, and a portion of our countrymen watch weather. 'Kay, you don't get any more immobile than that... unless you're in a goddamn coma. That means you're saying, "I'd go to the window, but it's too far." If you want to know what the weather is you go to a window and stick your hand out and if you want to know what the temperature is you drive by a bank.
Now, maybe you thought you could get clever by adding an -ing to your favorite curse word. Well, the bill also prohibits "compound use, including hyphenated compounds … and other grammatical forms, including verb, adjective, gerund, participle, and infinitive forms." Fortunately for me, they didn't include the pluperfect subjunctive. So, all you stuffed shirts can just have been having had to bite me.